OUCH

I have a very dear friend Sharrie who wrote at length recently about "summer shaving" and Gold Bond powder being a deadly combination. I've copied it in it's entirety as it's REALLY funny:
"Holy crap. To put things as delicately as possible.. I recently did my 'summer shave' and inevitebly became uh... itchy a few days later from the stubble growing in. This always happens the first few times. I usually just use a little powder and all is well. Because I have an almost 2 year old who is addicted to powder and the throwing of such powder (so much so that she has encrusted total rooms in a layer of powder), we are out of my normal supply of Johnson's and Johnson's lavender cornstarch powder. So when my mom had moved out, she left a bottle of Gold Bond Medicated Powder in her bathroom (which is now my bathroom), and I spotted it on the shelf. I shrugged my shoulders and tossed some in my nether regions after a shower. I dressed and then laid down in bed to watch some tv. And then all hell broke loose in my pants
This stuff gets like, HOT. It must be the "medication" in it, I'm guessing is like camphor or something that gives that "cooling sorta scorching" feeling like IcyHot or BenGay. Yes, that is what this is. BenGay for your crotch. Holy christ. I lay there watching TV not wanting my hub to think I was a total dipshit and just sort of put on a slow burn, if you will. At one point, I think I may have felt a drop of sweat on my brow. But I can't confirm as the sensation of having my lo-lo on fire has scorged my memory. After about ten minutes (or it could have been two-when your lo lo is on fire, you tend to think that time has no true meaning) it subsided to a dull heat and actually felt fairly good. I think that probably that was the endorphines kicking in, causing me to be able to handle the pain better, but I digress. The one thing I do know.... the itching didn't bother me any more. Mission accomplished! Hooray for fucking Gold Burn..er I mean Bond Medicated Powder."
This is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever read.
Now I knew this had happened, like over a week ago. I read it with tears streaming down my face. So what do I do the other day? My own "summer shave". No problem. Here's where the "dipshit" part comes in. I have an addiction. It's name is Bath and Body Works. They have this True Blue Spa Line called Island Getaway. One of the products is "Need a Margarita" - a citrus sugar scrub. What makes it "scrub" is huge grains of salt. Into the shower la la la Open up the scrub la la la Smells wonderful! Citrusy, delicious. Apply the scrub to arms no problem... tummy no problem. Down to "there". On freshly shaved skin. Applying ROCK SALT paste. To. The. Groin. Owwwwwwwwwwwwww! It burns! It stings! It is a paste and will not wash right off! Dance around the shower trying to get as much of my lo-lo in the stream of water as I can. Almost fall. Slip! Bang my elbow. Swear really loud. Curse every employee of Bath and Body Works, and their offspring. Alphabetically. Fuckers. Now my skin is exfoliated, my lo-lo is throbbing and burning - and not in a good way - my elbow hurts and I smell like a lime.
I love my life.