Many have said I should write a book. Or at least store these random thoughts somewhere. So here they are.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I just had the strangest dream

I've just got to get this out...
I dreamt that my company was bought out by a huge insurance agency that built it's huge skyscraper right against a subway station. My parents came to the annual meeting all dressed up and I took them around, meeting everyone. In the middle of the president's opening speech, my mother told me she had to go to the bathroom, so I went to tell her where it was. She was ahead of me, going very fast and went the wrong way. There was a spectacular show going on with dancers and music so she had trouble hearing me. When I called out to her, she was across the large hall from me going up the escalator. I called her back down and she walked very slowly across to me. Dad came up behind me and I told him she was going thr wrong way. All around me, people were walking very slowly and sitting down as if they got dizzy. Mom came up to us and said she did not feel well, so Dad and I followed her into the bathroom. To get to the toilets we had to go around an above octagonal which was taller than me and filled with water and huge billowing sheets of bubble wrap. It was very claustrophobic feeling, so Dad and I stopped and I discovered if you pulled the wrap down toward your chest you had air to breathe, so I told Dad to do the same thing, and we called out to others to do the same. Moving the bubble wrap caused this huge wave of water to crest over the pool and I heard screaming and water. I looked down and there was Dad under the water with his eyes shut. I grabbed the top of his head and pulled him up holding onto the side of the pool. Frantically I called for Mom but there was no answer and I could not get by the side of the pool. Moving away with Dad hooked under my arm I went back to the hallway. All around us people were groaning and crying. I brought Dad into a room and started doing CPR. A woman dressed as a nurse came in and said she'd take care of him and I better go find my mother. I pleaded with her to save my dad, as he started to wake up he winked and said he was OK. I told her he had a mild heart condition and she had to save him. She said I know,. go get your mom. As I walked down a long hallway I was met by people currently in my life - family and friends all dressed up who seemed to be acting very sympathetic but would not help me find my mom. I went down a long escalator and saw my work friends all going up, trying to reach out to me. I grabbed Sharrie's hand and she walked back down the up escalator holding my hand across the divider. I walked out into a sunlit outside corridor where the sun was shining and people were all sitting on the lawn dressed up. Most were quiet, some were talking. Then I entered a glass walled corridor which was darker and looking ahead I saw my dad walking away from me. "Dad!" I repeatedly called. He finally turned and I asked him where he thought he was going. "Into the ground" he replied and turned away. I pleaded over and over for him to come back, just one more minute was all I needed. I was sobbing and crying and pleading with him. He walked towards me removing his sweater and handing it to me. He kissed me on the forehead and told me not to cry that he was fine and that I had alot to do. "Go get married, he said I will be right here. I won't leave until you do. Now be a big girl and go." Looking down I realized I was in a white dress. I knelt in front of him crying and asking who would give me away. He did not answer, but turned and walked through the glass doors. I walked back down the other way looking for my mom but never found her. Suddenly I was in a large house that my aunt and uncle seemingly had moved into. There was a big party with music and laughter and no one seemed to realize what had gone on. As I tried to explain everyone I started to talk to would turn away. Then I saw my godfather laying on a couch smoking a cigarette. "This tastes damn good", he said. I kept turning around looking for people I knew, but though everyone knew me, I knew nobody. I was moaning and weeping while others danced and laughed.
When I woke up the pillow was wet with my tears and my throat was hoarse. Just writing this I am crying all over reliving it. I have no idea what it means, and it frightens me.

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